Friday, November 22, 2013
2:21 AM

22 Nov 2013, passed mid night 12 am of 21 Nov 2012.

I had a hard time getting sleep,  my hubby was coughing,  my elder daughter was coughing. .I was listening to the sermon of Dale Fife,  keys to intimacy with God. The specific message of soaking oneself in the presence of God impresses me and I thought to myself,  I have lost my first love to Jesus when I used to be clothed as a bride in my vision.

So after finished listening to the whole sermon,  I decided to relax myself n trh getting myself soak in Him.  However,  to my shock,  I saw Lord Jesus' white robe turned to stain. I did not understand why....

Tossing on bed, my head getting heavy n I couldn't get to sleep though I was supreme tired. I woke to get a couple of pain killers to ease my pain.

While lying on bed, I start to speak in tongue, then the Lord's Holy Spirit convicted me with what I did during the day.  Didn't you pray for righteousness,  holiness n truthfulness n transparency, didn't you pledge for no deception to come forth from yr tongue n lip? Then why did you say something untruth at work today? You did not prepare the trial balance in the specific format required of you,  you did not tally the FS with the TB,  why then did you say that you did?? Why were you half heartened in giving to the elderly today? Why didn't you give out of sincerity,  out of your heart? You hesitated in the amount of money to spend for his food, you were reluctant today. ...

I prayed to God, my spirit yearned for forgiveness. I approached him by faith to plead for forgiveness.  He's like a father pointing out all my faults,  his standard is much higher, he has bring me a level higher in my walk with Him.  He said if that's what I have pledge in my walk with Him, he's pointing out my faults n transgression to bring me up higher to Him. 

I begin to see the path narrower n narrower.  It's not easy to carry my cross and follow Jesus,  cos that would mean to put down myself,  my needs, my argument,  my pride,  my ways of doing thing and walk in obedience to Him. ..but as long as my reward is Jesus. ..